Crown
by Madame Atomic Bomb
Summary: Following the events of the The Search, Zuko contemplates his rule. Zuki (Zuko/Suki)


"Zuko? Are you out here?" Suki called as she poked her head around the balcony door. She saw Zuko perched on the railing, one long leg stretched out on the balustrade, his back resting against the palace wall. He turned to face her, the wind tossing his loose, chin-length hair into his mismatched eyes. The golden crown rested in his fingers, catching the light with a glare. A ghost of a smile crossed his lips when he saw her.

"Hey," he said, his gaze flicking over her face and then hastily back out at the landscape of the Caldera city spread out in a ring around the palace. The sun was setting, the sky a lusty red tinged with orange. The air was hot and smelled faintly of volcanic ash.

"You disappeared on me," Suki said as she walked forward, crossed her arms and leaned on the balcony railings. The hot sun beat down on her shoulders, baking her inside of her armor. She still wasn't quite used to the hot Fire Nation summers.

"Just needed a moment," he answered, spinning the crown in his fingers so that it caught the light and dazzled her.

"I…uh…_we_ missed you around here," she said lightly, flushing beneath her white paint, though she doubted that he would even notice her slip. He never did, which was probably for the best. _No need to go down _that_ road… _"The palace just wasn't the same."

A little huffing laugh left him and he glanced at her, and then at the jagged rim of the ancient volcano in the near distance. "I'll bet Uncle was driving you crazy."

"Only a little," she said, ducking her head. She looked at the ground far below them. Servants were caring for the palace grounds, trimming the grass and clipping the topiary. Everyone down there had their place, a cog in the machine. She felt out of place, and not for the first time. "Mostly he was just worried about you."

"I'm sure he wasn't the only one," Zuko said, causing her head to lift in surprise. He wasn't looking at her though and seemed to be studying the horizon intently. "I was a little worried about myself for a minute there. Maybe I still am…"

He tightened his hand around the flat crown, though its jagged edge was no doubt digging into his palm.

"You found your mother."

Zuko sighed and nodded. "I did. I set out to find her and I found her. I didn't find the answers I expected to find, but I still found them. And I understand why she didn't come back with me. I _couldn't_ ask her to come back. Who would want to come back here anyway? This place is full of bad memories."

"Some good ones too," she offered lightly. He nodded gravely, lips pressed in a tight line. "And Azula…? You never said."

"Gone. Dead, alive. I don't know. We looked, but didn't find her. We'd been gone too long by that time and I knew I _had_ to come back. The Fire Nation needed me," he said bitterly, causing Suki to frown.

"She's dangerous, Zuko. You can't let her escape."

He leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes. "I know. I've sent Sokka to June. She should be able track Azula with her shirshu…if she survived the spirit's attacks on us in that forest. I don't know. She saved our lives. Maybe she's earned her escape?"

"I'm sure they'll find her. Maybe _she_ just needs time too?"

"Yeah." He nodded and looked back at his crown. His face was closed, a line between his brows. The setting sun struck the scar over his eye, making the skin look raw and red, as if it were as fresh as the day his father had given it to him. He looked as trouble and weighed down by his worries as he had before he'd left on his search, and the sight of him so burdened made her heart ache.

"Katara told me. About your father…how you thought you might not be Ozai's son."

"Did she tell you how happy it made me?"

"She didn't have to," Suki said, reaching out and touching his shoulder. He lifted his hand, pressing his fingers over hers as he lowered his head, his hair falling forward. He looked vulnerable and as lost and lonely as he'd been when he'd marched on Yu Dao. "I know how you feel about him, how you struggle in his shadow. I see how hard you try not to be like him, and how scared you are that you are."

"You see a lot," he said tightly as his thumb caressed the back of her hand.

"I see _you_, Zuko. I see everything that you are. I think I see you better than you see yourself."

Zuko's gaze lifted to hers, his topaz eyes shining in the hot red, slanting sunlight. "Do you?"

"Yeah, I do. I see that you're_ nothing_ like him. I see how heavy that crown weighs on you, how seriously you take it. Ruling is hard. It _should_ be. You should struggle with every decision, because your decisions affect everyone in the Fire Nation, from the royal court to the lowest peasant. Everything you do _matters_."

"That's why I was happy with the thought of being disinherited… I don't want to let anyone down," he mumbled to the ground far below them. "I've made so many mistakes in my life. I don't want to make any more."

"And that's exactly why you're the man for the job, Zuko," she said, reaching out and lifting his chin. He met her gaze, worry dancing across his face. "You care. You spend sleepless nights worried about your people. You do everything in your power to help people you've never met and probably never will. You're an amazing Fire Lord…and an even better man. That's what I see, Zuko. I wish you saw it too."

Zuko studied her face for a long moment, and then glanced down at the crown in his hand. "I don't want to repeat my father's mistakes. And I don't want to repeat my mother's either. I want to be the kind of ruler—the kind of man—that does the right thing, no matter how much it hurts me to do it. I want my honor to be unquestioned…"

"You already do. And it already is, Fire Lord Zuko," she said gravely, reaching out and pulling his red hair ribbon off of his belt. He studied her face for a long moment, his expression unreadable. Then he swung his leg off of the railing and knelt on one knee before her. She took his thick hair in her hands, gathering the dark strands and pulling it into a neat topnotch and pulling the ribbon tight. Then she took the flame-shaped crown from his hand and inserted it into his ponytail.

When he tilted his head back, there was a fierce expression on his face, one she'd never seen there before. Their gazes sizzled as they connected and stayed connected while Zuko climbed to his feet. He was very close. Too close.

"Thank you, Suki," he said as his hands caught her. She watched as he slowly lifted each one to his mouth. He kissed the backs of her hands softly, eyes flicking to hers and then closing. A tremor filled her, from head to toe. Her skin tingled where his mouth had alighted. "Of all of my friends, you're the only who has never abandoned me, who has always believed in me."

"I always will."

"Thank you," he said, dropping her hands with a squeeze. He studied her face again and then leaned in, startling her. She thought he was going to kiss her on the lips, but inches from her mouth, he turned his face and pressed another soft kiss to her cheek. He didn't pull back right away and instead whispered, "That means more to me than I can ever say, Suki."

A shiver ran down her sides as his hot breath caressed her neck and ear. She unconsciously tilted her neck toward his mouth and as he withdrew, his cheek dragged slowly along her jaw. The contact made her clutch at his sleeves and she felt his hand on her waist for one moment, his fingers clenching. Then he released her.

Zuko stepped back, that strange expression on his face again. He licked his lips and his gaze flicked to hers for one hot, pregnant moment, and then he looked away, his eyes widening a little.

"Zuko…"

"I should…" he said, a touch of panic in his voice as he turned toward the balcony door. "I…"

"Where are you going?" she blurted, rooted to the spot, her insides jangling and zinging with warmth. And guilt. That ever present guilt, whenever he was around. Because she should _not_ be thinking the things she was thinking. And she shouldn't be feeling what she was feeling.

Zuko stopped at the doorway, one hand lifting to brace himself on the doorframe. He was white-knuckled, as if stopping himself from turning back toward her. There was heat in his gaze, a spark waiting to ignite.

A small smile pulled at the corners of his lips as his crown caught the light again. His smirk faded into sadness again. "I'm walking away before I do the wrong thing. No matter how much it hurts me."

Suki couldn't move, could barely breathe as he walked away from her. She finally let out a breath when he was gone and collapsed against the palace wall, her head swirling.

Slowly, a smile caught hold of her lips and she stared out over the city, lost in thought and what might be.

_(end)_


End file.
